Telling Family

Telling family without crying is really hard. Not that I'm particularly scared, but I don't want my children to have to cope with something like this. It's hard enough for me not to "put the cart before the horse", let alone my children and husband who are now my support. You tell them it's small, that it'll get taken care of. Trying to convince them that everything is going to be okay, when inside yourself your praying desperately for the same outcome.
I know that out there in blog world that are many who are blogging about their cancer experience. As I read their blogs I am amazed at how positive they are, and full of life. Isn't it amazing how something like cancer can make us finally start living. Yesterday after my hubby and I got home from the hospital, I changed into my PJ's and went outside and sat on the step. It was a beautiful day and I wanted to enjoy it so I did. It's a rare thing in Alberta to be able to go outside in March with no coat and enjoy the weather. I did not want to miss that opportunity.
I love my family, we are a forever family, living our lives according to the doctrines of Christ. AND thank goodness for his doctrines that get us through times like this.

March 9th, 2012- 3:30 pm

27 years ago tomorrow my husband Kevin took me to the temple and proposed to me. We stood outside the gates, he took me in his arms and asked me to marry him. Since that time we have been through some great and wonderful events, and some pretty nasty ones. But we have always stood together. I wonder what I will say 27 years from today. For today at 3:30 pm sitting in an outpatient exam room at the regional hospital, my doctor told me I have cancer. For about the last 3 years I have been having colonoscopy's on at least a yearly basis if not more. I have this polyp that keeps coming back, well this time it came back cancerous. He said that it is very small, but persistent non the less. I now require major surgery. He wants to remove about 12 inches of colon along with a part of my rectum. I will have a temporary illeostomy for about 3 months, at which time they will reattach the colon to my rectum. I can't believe this is for real. Next week I have to go for an MRI, to make sure no other parts of my body have cancer, then about 2 weeks after that I will have the surgery. Is this really the only way? Is there not a cure? one that isn't so invasive? I haven't told our older children yet, only our youngest knows. And what about our son on a mission? Do we even tell him? I hate being afraid, but I am. How do I make sure I am a success story, that I am one of the ones that can say "I beat cancer". There are so many health blogs out there, you can literally blow up you head with all the information out there. I am on information overload. BUT I do feel that following a whole foods, plant based diet will be in my best interests. I am having a hard time starting. I struggle with making a plan. My family all but turns up there nose to vegetables, but I love them. I can't write anymore, I'm tired, and I'm still in shock. I haven't even had a good cry yet. There is so much going through my head, I need to go to bed.